Analogies

I have lived a large portion of my life in an ignorant oblivion. When I was a kid, there were so many things I didn't understand, like there was a fog in my brain preventing me from seeing.

I am a child no longer, and as I've grown up, the fog has lifted exponentially.

I can see now.

But still I have not experienced.

Many taboos and things built into so many people one way or another did not get built into me.

So, for a time, I was spared, like a sort of blindness in my brain. Like you never know what you are missing because it's never been there, but give a blind person sight, and it's overwhelming.

I like analogies.

Watching House the other day, I was intrigued by House having my same blood type, and how Wilson comments that it's the universal receiver. "You take but you don't give." Or something. I'm paraphrasing. But it's true, and for me in more ways than one.

I end up taking a lot. I also have very little to give. What I can give is so limited, and others can give more readily than I. Even in the sense of blood, which on me is hard to draw.

It's sad in a way, because I will feel bad for having nothing anyone needs.

Or at least, nothing I am able to give well.

Sometimes it's weird how well analogies work for me.

Irritation has found a place to rest

I am annoyed.

I was going about on the internets, reading things I could find connected with the Google search "Hollywood Fat." I came upon a blog(?) saying how a woman was upset because of the way fat people are portrayed in movies, specifically, Date Movie. It had a lot of good points, I thought, and then I scroll down and read some of the comments. Some were in agreement with the author, but some of the others were all like, "The only one who is responsible for your weight is you, I think it's funny, blah blah blah, it's okay to make fun of fat people cuz you totally do it to yourself blah blah blah."

It's absurd how people still think this. At least, I think so, because I read a lot of Fat positive blogs. More and more I realize how truly SCUMMY people are. I was thinking, "And the one who has control over the CRAP that flies out of your mouth is you." What the hell? Do people seriously think fat people do nothing but sit around all day eating a bakers dozen of donuts?

Even my own family has issues with fat people and eating. Like, my brother was saying something about how someone would HAVE to be fat to swallow all the oil that Jiraiya used (Naruto reference.), until I mentioned how people's stomachs aren't the same size as their fat stores, and that the people who are those eating champions tend to be very thin.

Anyway, I am bothered. I'm wanting to put up on DA a deviation, but I haven't decided to do it yet. I don't know if I have the nerve.

I want to entitle it, "Face of the Despised."

And it would be me. People have this massive hate of fat people, and I've been the target of it before. Doubtless I will be again. But I want more people to see a FACE on the fat person, not just a headless reminder of "The Obesity Epidemic" walking the streets.

It makes me feel a little odd when I read about people who would rather die than be what you are.

Old things and new

Today I have been archiving a personal stash of fanfiction I've loved over the years. Fanfics and me go way back, to around 1998 or 1999. I wanted to reread a few old favorites, only to discover, much to my dismay, that the biggest source for Sailor Moon fics, "A Sailor Moon Romance", has been shut down. For good. Along with every story it contained. I can't even access them through the "Way Back" machine. (Although I did find the name of a story I was looking for.)

So, I dug about the internet, attempting to make my own small collection of fiction, just in case the same thing happened and I couldn't find them again. Reading fanfics has been such a fun thing for me for so many years. I wonder if people from the old days ever reminisce about stories, and re-read old favorites, and remark like one would over a vintage of wine, "Ah yes, 2005, a very good year for fanfiction."

While they're still here, you may access my personal fanfics, and several of my favorites here.

Who needs it?

I'm so frustrated right now, mostly for inexplicable reasons, or seemly insignificant ones, like no good fanfiction to read, and no job, and the way oranges are hurting my mouth right now.

Bah... I don't know what to do with myself, and I don't want to deal with anyone. My niece is too much like me, and something about it just bothers me something awful. I think I must have a lot of hidden feelings I want to express somehow, but... If I really said what I feel and mean, would people still speak to me?

I've heard it said, "Be who you are and say what you think, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Thing is... I don't know if people want me to be honest with them. I think mostly people are content we deluding themselves, when all I really have to offer is the unvarnished truth, so what can I say? I feel I am a slave to peoples feelings and wants, and I only do what I think they want. Part of me hates them and myself for it.

I wish I could grow up and tell them what I really want to say... and that they'd hear me. Otherwise I'm just masquerading as something else, and that's one thing I do not wish to do.

Do I maintain the silence, or speak? Which matters more? The truth as I see it, or peace?

Job Hunting

My sister has a bet going of who will get a job first, me, or my brother. First to get one gets $50. It adds a fun little incentive, and we only have two months to get the job. Unfortunately, jobs seem to be extremely scarce, if they aren't of the retail variety. I do NOT want to work in retail. Dealing with people constantly gives me a rash. Seriously. Way to internalize, me.

So, I'm trying to find a cool artsy job. It's a total pain when your experience in jobs is something like, "Two-day stint at Safeway before you had a panic attack and had to quit." I'm wondering if I ought to just suck it up and be a night shift stock person, or make a portfolio of one of my more obscure talents, sculpting Starburst candies into small fruits. I bet if I got a whole lot of them, I could make a miniature buffet table of food made ENTIRELY of Starbursts. And maybe some Airheads.

You never know, right?

Ball and Chain is love.

Hi! Welcome to the EverLoving Blog of Randomness. My name is Yunyin. I'll be your blogger this evening.

This blog was started basically because I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't talk about stuff.

So prepare for a lot of junk and maybe a trinket of something here and there. Monkeys typing and all that, although I think that might not actually be possible. Think I heard that somewhere. Anyway, if you want to hear about random observations, anime, TV, being an artist, Fat rights, etc, then have a seat. If not... Well, there's lots of other things for you to enjoy.

Somewhere else.